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Planetary Annihilation Defense
Someone Halleyd your homeworld? We seek injunctive relief, planetary reconstruction damages, and a strongly worded cease-and-desist to every commander on the map.
Priority / After HoursThe Partnership
Six humans. Six cats. One catastrophically prestigious firm.
Each partner brings a specialty, a portrait, and a feline co-counsel who almost certainly outranks them.
Kitchen Stadium: Partner Intros
Over-the-top Iron Chef–style entrances. Click a tile (or “Play Intro” on a portrait). Sound on if you dare.
Managing Partner · Interstellar Dealcraft
Benjamin “Don’t Ask About the Green Suit” Katz
Co-counsel: GusGus (grey-and-white · beneficial owner of everything)
Ben closes deals the way other people close browser tabs — frequently, decisively, and with a quiet sense that the universe just paid retail. He will restructure your orbital liabilities before lunch, recharacterize your annihilated planet as a “non-core asset,” and somehow make the settlement include both specific performance and smoked fish for the office.
Clients hire him when the fine print has fine print. Opposing counsel hire therapists. GusGus sits on his lap during mediations and has never once blinked first. Ben bills in six-minute increments, celebrates victories with something that is definitely not “just coffee,” and maintains that every successful Halley defense begins with three questions: Who fired? Who paid? And can we expense the bagels?
Special talents include holiday-adjacent billable sprints, finding deductions in the crater where your base used to be, and explaining — with a beatific smile — why the cat’s trust owns the penthouse and you merely live there.
Deal Architecture
Tax-Adjacent Wizardry
Cat Trusts
Bagel Contingency Clauses
Never Loses at Negotiation
Partner · Corporate & Whiskey Ethics
Marcus J. Wilson
Co-counsel: Gowron (the grey one · permanently unimpressed)
The firm’s velvet-glove closer. Marcus handles entity formation for multi-planet conglomerates, ACU ownership disputes, and whether that decanter counts as a business expense (it does; he has a memo). Gowron supervises sunbeam easements and declines to be pleased.
M&A
Governance
Scotch Precedents
Partner · Appellate Thunder
Theodore “Ted” Ashford
Co-counsel: Wolfgang Amedeus Penguin (darker longhair calico · full name mandatory)
Writes briefs that make appellate panels feel underdressed. Ted will cite 18th-century maritime law to reverse a modern orbital strike order, then pet Wolfgang Amedeus Penguin like nothing happened.
Appeals
Constitutional Fanfic
Green Velvet
Of Counsel · International “Situations”
Comrade Counsel “V.” Volkov
Co-counsel: Zamora “ZZ” (black cat · unindicted)
If your matter involves a globe, a rifle over the chair, and a bottle labeled in a language the court reporter fears, call V. Specializes in sanctions choreography and plausible deniability with footnotes. ZZ has never been successfully deposed.
Sanctions
Espionage-Adjacent
Vodka Venue
Partner · Engineering Malpractice & IP
Dr. Evelyn Hart, Esq., P.E.
Co-counsel: Jameson (orange-and-white · expert on champagne liability)
Certificate of Engineering on the wall. Black-tie energy. Evelyn defends experimental tech that “only slightly” terraformed the wrong continent and patents mass-fab improvements before breakfast. Jameson sits on the blueprints until the physics engine settles.
Patents
Product Liability
Wine Pairings
Partner · Litigation & Liquid Assets
Harlan Pike
Co-counsel: Tabitha (dilute calico · junior associate / stands on the evidence)
Trial lawyer. Decanter of “Pineapple Juice.” Will not elaborate. Has won jury trials by making the jury thirstier than the opposition. Tabitha on the leather-bound volumes is, per Harlan, “a junior associate.”
Jury Trials
Beverage Law
Dramatic Pauses